“I sit to myself and ponder, maybe just maybe, if I had the full picture I’d feel whole. I live life feeling as though a part of me is missing. Despite my worries, despite my troubles, despite these struggles, what does it matter if I don’t see my purpose in any of this? I’m a monster,we both know. All I know to be true is this hideous part of me.” Kaharu let out a troubled sigh, unsure how to continue.
“Where is this all coming from?” Dirus asked, worried for his dear friend. He looked at her disheveled form and his expression softened just slightly. “Is this about your past?”
Silence clung in the air, giving his question the answer they both knew.
“I don’t want your pity, I’m just stating facts. We’re “creatures” in their eyes. Nothing about us is holy nor pure. We’re wretched and twisted, monsters with no origin or past to remember. Maybe in a life before this one I had a lover, a family. Perhaps, I lived a happy life as someone's daughter! Yet, how am I supposed to know that when that truth is stripped away from those like us so violently?” Her breath hitched as she looked away. The forest around them echoed her words in soft whispers. They both knew It was listening to them.
“And so if that’s true? They can take away our past, our humanity, but they can’t take away our will.”
The forest around them fell silent. He continued with a new found passion in his voice “Listen, I don’t care what the others think. Let them think. All they have time for is thought, yet they still choose to judge? We’re no different than the average man, as he could just as easily fall sick too. This illness was never our choice to make-”
Kaharu cut him off with a harsh tone: “That does not change the fact that we live at the mercy of those who see themselves righteous! We’re deviants, demons even!”
“So what if we are? I choose to live my life on my own terms. Why should we be at the mercy of those who don’t even know who we truly are at our core? I may not know your life, or who you used to be, but I know you now and I know that you are so much more than that missing part of you.” Dirus protested, not backing down.
“What do you know about me? I don't even know if my name is truly Kaharu or if I’m living as a fraud.”
“Fraud or not, It decided that name suits you. You carry a name like no other, wear it with pride. Why should our origins define who we are when we are given the gift of deciding that on our own. This is more of a blessing than a curse. Clearly we come from complex pasts, yet they no longer cling onto us like they do to the rest. Compensate for what you lack with what you possess, perseverance and strength.”
They both stood in silence for a moment time. The whispers stopped a while ago, yet Its presence was more than evident. Observing the two with curiosity. For those who are ill are always watched and always heard by that whom they would call their God.